


Everything

by captainamergirl



Category: One Life to Live
Genre: Alternate History, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-25 20:02:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18170810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainamergirl/pseuds/captainamergirl
Summary: John and Marty should have been everything together … In this story, they can be. Eventually.





	1. Chapter 1

**One**  
  
_"The hardest thing of all is knowing that I loved him – knowing that I still do,"_ she admitted in a soft voice as she stood on the same rooftop where just two nights before she had goaded her former lover, rapist and lifelong tormentor into jumping from. She had watched him hit the water and in that moment she had wanted to jump in after him, fish him out of the water, and make everything right between them again as if that was at all possible. But she hadn't given into her instincts or impulses and instead John had been the one to fish Todd out of the water. He always seemed to be there when someone's life depended on it. He had a hero complex a mile long and she knew that he wanted to save her from herself but she didn't know if anyone could.  
  
John watched her underneath his thick, dark lashes, not standing too close but not standing too far away either. He seemed to know exactly what she needed most when she needed it. If she let herself, she could let him try to save her but it would not work. She had fallen in love with her own two-time rapist and she couldn't completely let him go. She may never be able to do that …  
  
"Marty, loving him … You didn't do anything wrong."  
  
"It's sick," Marty spat out as tears burned the back of her eyes. "Dammit, it is. You can't deny that."  
  
"I am not going to stand here and judge you," John said. "That's not my place."  
  
Marty sniffled as she watched him casually leaning against the wall. "You are just too good to be true, aren't you?" She said. "A true gallant knight in shining black leather jacket."  
  
"I don't want to save anyone."  
  
"But you can't help it. It's in your DNA, isn't it?" She said humorlessly. "Just like it's in my DNA to keep screwing up everything."  
  
"Stop this, Marty. I don't want to hear you bash yourself over and over."  
  
"Why are you still here then?" She asked. "I bet Blair's wondering where her hubby dearest is right now. If she knew you were with me – her worst enemy … Well it wouldn't be pretty."  
  
"I am here where I want to be right now," John answered in a soft, hoarse voice.  
  
"Don't try to save me, John, you're only going to end up wasting your time."  
  
"Alright I'll put away my Batman cape - but just for tonight," John joked and Marty giggled in spite of herself.  
  
"Was that a joke, John?" She asked. "I didn't think you were capable of those."  
  
"I didn't either," he said, liking her smile too much. "It was actually painful."  
  
She chuckled again and then silence fell between them again but it wasn't exactly an unpleasant silence. Not at all. He finally cleared his throat and said, "Can I drive you home?"  
  
Marty shook her head. "You're done enough for one night," she said and then walked away from him. She could feel his eyes following her long after she had disappeared down the stairs ...


	2. Chapter 2

**Two**  
  
"Cole thinks I don't love him," she murmured as she sat on the docks. Her denim jeans were rolled up to her kneecaps while her slender legs were hooked over the planks and her bare feet dangled in the water. Spring was nearly upon them but the water was still cool and it made her toes tingle. She looked over at him sitting beside her. He had naturally kept his shoes and socks on and was dressed in a suit and jacket - sans tie, as always. He sat crossed legged on the barge and she could tell it wasn't the most natural position for him to be in, but he did it for her. He did so much for her. She really should stop leaning on him. Hadn't she asked him just a few months ago not to try and save her?  
  
"I don't believe that, Marty. I don't believe that he even believes that," John said softly. "He's just gotta be really confused right now. His daughter is dead, he and his girlfriend broke up, and he was doing drugs for a while. All that can mess a person up - make them forget the people that really care about them."  
  
"I do care about him, John. I love him so much but even now, ever since my accident… Well, I have a hard time remembering how much I loved being a mother. It seems like that 'Soccer Mom Marty' was a whole different person. Sometimes I feel like 'Marty da Party Girl' all over again."  
  
John smirked. "Who?"  
  
"'Marty da Party Girl'…" She sighed. "That was what people called me back in college because all I did was well –"  
  
"Party."  
  
_"Right._ And drink. And sleep around. Todd used to call me that a lot. Well, actually he would just taunt me with that nickname actually." She rolled her eyes heavenward. "Am I talking about him again?"  
  
"Yeah but it's okay, Marty, we're friends. You can confide in me."  
  
Marty felt a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "Is that what we are, John – friends?" She asked. "Are you sure I'm not your pet project?"  
  
"Oh not this again. I am not trying to save you, Marty, because honestly, I don't think you need to be saved. You're just fine the way you are – better than fine," he said and a light blush tinted his cheeks for a moment. "I mean …"  
  
"Yeah, I know what you meant," Marty said with a chuckle. Then she sighed. "I just hope Cole realizes soon that I love him, that I want to be there for him, that being away from him for months and months … It wasn't what I really wanted, it wasn't even my choice. I wish he would let me in; I want to be there for him."  
  
"Then you need to tell him all those things."  
  
She nodded. "How is that I'm a licensed psychiatrist and you give better advice than I do?"  
  
"I think you already know what to do, Marty. Sometimes we just don't listen to or trust in ourselves."  
  
"What about you, John? Do you ever doubt yourself?"  
  
He smiled a bit sheepishly before turning to look her in the eyes. "Every minute of the day. Maybe it's part of being human. Sometimes we just … I don't know… fall down…"  
  
"But it's getting up again that counts, right?"  
  
"You tell me, Doc."  
  
She smiled. "Wow - you would make a great therapist. You just turned my question back around on me expertly." She giggled. "You have a lot of hidden talents, Detective McBain."  
  
He winked at her. "Oh you have no idea."


	3. Chapter 3

**Three**  
  
He saw her lying there in the hospital bed and his breath caught in his throat for a long moment. Tonight he had come so close to losing her. She wasn't his to lose, exactly, but the idea that she could have been gone from his life once again in the explosion at the KAD house…  
  
The thought chilled him.  
  
He shook his head as he approached her slowly and sat at her bedside. The doctors had said that she was going to be fine; that she was just sedated, and that she would wake up soon but he needed to see it for himself. He needed to see those beautiful blue eyes of hers lock on his once again.  
  
Without giving it too much thought, he reached out and picked up her limp hand and lightly wrapped his bigger fingers around her much tinier ones. He held her hand for the longest time and eventually felt himself begin to drop off into a restless sleep.  
  
When he awoke, he noticed she was sitting up in bed, watching him. He looked at their hands. Still intertwined. He slowly squeezed her fingers and then let go before his hand moved, as if by its own volition, to her bruised face. He could kill Powell all over again for hurting Marty…  
  
"Hey, Marty," he finally spoke.  
  
"Hey, John," she returned. "Have a nice nap?" She asked and she laughed but stopped then and winced like it was painful.  
  
"Lemme get the doctor…"  
  
"He already saw me," Marty said. "He says I can go home tomorrow."  
  
"That's good," John said. "How are you feeling?"  
  
"Like a truck hit me but I'm going to be fine," she answered. "Did everyone else get out of there okay?"  
  
"Yeah. Well except for Powell and Rebecca."  
  
She nodded. "So then it's really over, huh? Can I finally put that night – the Spring Fling – behind me?" Marty asked, seemingly to herself. Her eyes filled with tears. "It's haunted me for so long, John. I keep telling myself I should be over it by now …"  
  
"There's no time limit on that kind of stuff."  
  
"You sound so wise," she said. "You've been there; you've been hurt before."  
  
He just nodded, not trusting himself to speak right then.  
  
"I understand," she said with a nod of her honey-blonde head. And he believed that she did. Not because she was a therapist, John realized, but because she had been in the trenches herself and had clawed her way out, tooth and nail.  
  
"Now don't say I'm trying to save you, please, but if you need anything … I hope you trust me enough to ask."  
  
Marty smiled. "You did save me tonight, John, in more ways than one. I never asked you to –"  
  
"I didn't try to –"  
  
Marty held up a hand. "Can I finish?" John nodded. "I never asked you to save me, John, but tonight you did. Because of your actions, I now have a true second chance with my son; a second chance at life too. So thank you, John, thank you so much."  
  
John nodded and smirked. "Anytime."  
  
"You can't make this a habit though," Marty said. "You only get to save me once. From now on, I save myself."  
  
"Sounds like a plan."  
  
"A very good plan," she said and then leaned over and kissed his cheek softly. "Good night, John."  
  
He rubbed his cheek a bit as he nodded. It was time for him to go. She had dealt with a lot tonight and she needed time to process all of it. Come to think of it, so did he. He climbed to his feet and walked to the door. He turned back once to see her watching him and he whispered, "Goodnight, Marty."


	4. Chapter 4

**Four**  
  
They were sitting on the docks once again. Summer had come and winter’s chill was now but a memory. Somehow, at least twice a week, though they both insisted it wasn’t planned, they found themselves here. Marty once again had her feet dangling in the water and John was once again sitting in a suit and dress shoes looking uncomfortable but this time, possibly not because of the awkward position. Something else was causing him to be even more quiet than usual; Marty realized that and she was afraid to ask so she kept chatting about everything but what might actually be bothering him. She was used to do the lion’s share of the talking in their relationship – if that’s what you wanted to call it – but this was ridiculous. What was on his mind today that had him staring so intently at her under his thick dark eyelashes. Why was she both anticipating his words (should he ever say any) and feeling scared of them all at once?  
  
Finally when topics of conversation about the weather and worked dried up, she turned to look at him inquisitively. “Cat got your tongue?” she asked facetiously.  
  
John smirked and nodded. He ran a hand through his hair. “I guess I just have a lot on my mind today.”  
  
“Like what?” Marty asked. “Come on. I always do the talking. You have to share something today.”  
  
“Are you going to head shrink me?” He asked, another smirk tugging at the corners of his gorgeous mouth.  
  
“Not at all,” Marty said. “I’m off for the day anyway.”  
  
“I am thinking how … Marty, I like spending time with you,” John said, looking out at the water now.  
  
Marty tensed a bit and then took a deep breath. “I like spending time with you too, John,” she admitted and it was true. She did enjoy his company. More than she should. She couldn’t forget he was a married man. She wouldn’t let herself.  
  
“I like you, Marty,” John said.  
  
Marty flushed, feeling her cheeks flame with heat. “I like you, John, a lot,” she said.  
  
He turned to face her then and reached out, running a thumb down her cheek. Before she could react or even make herself protest, he was kissing her. Lightly, softly, tentatively, and she liked it. She really liked it. Kissing John … It made her in that moment forget everything she was trying so hard not think about. All she could feel was his surprisingly soft lips on hers, molded to hers. His mouth moved to her cheek and he began to inch his lips down her chin to the base of her throat. She realized she could easily let herself completely go - right there on the docks - but she wouldn’t. She was still scarred in every way that counted from her experience with Todd and he was still married to Blair. On a good day, she barely tolerated Blair and vice versa, but if Marty gave into her desire for John, she would only incite Blair to hate her still more. She was tired of the fighting and truthfully, she didn’t want to be the cause of Blair and John ending their marriage, so she pulled away. As hard as it was, she pulled away, turning her head so John’s lips just grazed her right earlobe.  
  
“John …”  
  
“Marty, what –“  
  
She held up a hand. “Go home, John,” she said forcefully. “Go home to your wife.”  
  
She then jumped to her feet, grabbed her shoes and hurried off before she could change her mind or see his reaction to her words.


	5. Chapter 5

**Five**  
  
She had kept her distance from him for weeks. She avoided the docks like the plague and anywhere else they might happen to run into each other. If she chanced to see him coming down the street, she purposefully crossed to the other side. She buried herself in her work and was trying desperately to be a good mother to Cole. She was determined not to end up being the other woman in John’s life. She didn’t want to be. She thought she deserved better and yes, even Blair deserved better than to have her husband going behind her back. Marty told herself that she wouldn’t give into John’s advances even if the temptation was very great.  
  
Somehow though, one afternoon, he managed to corner her outside The Palace after she had just finished having a leisurely lunch with Nora Buchanan and Viki Banks, like they used to do in the old days.  
  
“Hey,” he said as he moved towards her where she stood on the patio.  
  
“Hello, John,” she said stiffly though her heart was hammering in her chest and her body was humming with energy. Despite the feeling of excitement he invoked in her, she was also incredibly tired. Tired of fighting for every damn thing, even having to fight her attraction to him but yes, she would keep doing it.  
  
“How are you?” he asked, his hands going to his hips in that traditional, awkward stance of his.  
  
“I’m good. How about you?”  
  
“I’m good too.” He sighed. “I should let you go …” He coughed. “I mean, I am sure you have things to do.”  
  
“Yes I do. I have to get back to work.”  
  
“Do you think we should talk … sometime?” He asked, shifting his eyes away from hers and looking up at the bright blue sky.  
  
“You want to talk? About what exactly?”  
  
“We were friends, Marty. At least I would like to think so…”  
  
“We were, yes, but you crossed a line and now we can’t go back to the status quo.”  
  
“I am sorry. I really am… My feelings … They took me by surprise, Marty. You have to understand this isn’t easy for me either. But the things I feel for you… I haven’t felt them for anyone for a very long time.”  
  
Marty sighed and turned to look at the sky as well as she stood beside him. “If we get too close to the sun, we get burned,” she theorized. “That’s how it is with us, John. Even if there is an admittedly strong pull between us, are you willing to risk everything in the off-chance that we could have a future? And doesn’t Blair deserve better than to have her husband declaring his feelings for another woman behind her back – her worst enemy even, of all people.”  
  
“You’re right…. That’s one of the things that amazes me about you most though. You hate Blair and yet you refuse to hurt her… That’s admirable.”  
  
“You don’t want to hurt Blair either, do you?”  
  
He shook his head. “No. Of course not. She’s been amazing to me. We genuinely have fun together. We genuinely like and appreciate each other.”  
  
“I know if you just give it a chance, things could be really good with you two. Maybe you could even fall in love with her someday.” Marty didn’t relish the idea but what could she do? Break up a marriage, degrade herself, and risk losing everything she was trying so hard to hold onto? She couldn’t. _She wouldn’t._  
  
Marty turned away after giving him a brief smile. She knew the sooner she got away from him, the better it would be for her fragile heart and her weakening resolve.


	6. Chapter 6

**Six**  
  
Marty was sitting in her office when the door was thrown back on its hinges and a fairly fire-breathing Blair Cramer was standing there. “You bitch!” were the very first words out of Blair’s mouth.  
  
Marty stood up immediately and pointed to the door. “I don’t know what you’re angry about this time but I am about to see a patient, Blair. You need to leave. I don’t have the time for this.”  
  
“Well make time, Marty, you slut,” Blair bellowed. “How dare you kiss my husband?”  
  
Marty blanched. “John told you?”  
  
“Yeah, Marty, yeah he did,” Blair said. “And I want to know why you can’t back the hell off and get your own damn man.”  
  
“Blair, I am not interested in being with John,” Marty said. Lie. Bitter, bitterest lie. “It was a one-time thing.”  
  
“Yeah so he says. He even claims he initiated it but I can’t believe that. You were always incredibly jealous of everything I ever had,” Blair bit out. “I think he was covering for you because he has a good heart and –“  
  
Marty felt sick to her stomach but nodded. “Okay, yes, Blair, I kissed him. I kissed John first.” She said it because she knew it was easier for Blair to keep hating her than for her to come to hate John too. Marty was protecting John the way he had her so many times.  
  
“I knew it. What a whore you are, Marty,” Blair said went to clobber Marty but Marty stepped back to avoid it. Still Blair dove for her and Marty ended up slamming hard into the desk. So hard that she saw stars as she hit the wood, sliding down to the floor.  
  
“Blair, stop!” John’s voice suddenly piped up from behind them.   
  
Blair whipped around to face John. “She admitted it, John. She admitted that she kissed you. She kissed you -- my husband!”  
  
“Marty is lying, Blair,” John said as he raced to Marty’s side and started to help her to her feet. “Marty didn’t kiss me. I kissed her. I told you that. She was covering for me though god knows I don’t deserve it… But I’m sorry I hurt you. I am sorry I hurt you both.”  
  
Blair shook her head and glared at John. “You are telling the truth, aren’t you? You really want her – her of all people! Damn you, John, damn you. I needed you, I cared about you so much and you did this. Go to hell. As far as I’m concerned, Marty can have you.” She then turned on her heel and marched out of the office.  
  
John looked down at the floor for a moment in shame before turning to face Marty. “Let me get you an ice pack or something,” he said, noticing the way she was rubbing the back of her head.  
  
Marty yanked away from him like he had burnt her. “I don’t need you, John. Go home to your wife.”  
  
“You heard her. It’s over between us.”  
  
“I won’t be your fallback girl, your second choice or the reason you lose your wife,” Marty said. “Now please leave.”  
  
“Marty –“  
  
“Just get out, John, just go. For the last time I am asking – no, _demanding_ \- that you leave me the hell alone.”  
  
She then moved to the door and held it open pointedly until he stepped through it. He looked back at her mournfully. “I’m sorry, Marty,” he said.  
  
Marty nodded. “Me too,” she said right before slamming the door in his face.


End file.
